Broken Butterflies Read online

  “If I have no chance of defending myself and winning this, why did you save me?”

  “You can’t win, but that’s where I come in. One factor is on your side; he’ll never attack you in front of people. The biggest rule of our world is you never reveal yourself to humans.”

  “You can’t watch me every second.”

  “You’re worth the sacrifice.” Bram said, staring into Ilisha’s brown eyes.

  The days turned from winter cold to spring chilly. Throwing on an oversized sweatshirt and leggings, Ilisha walked around the square shaped hallway that encompassed the second level, past her mother’s room. The door was slightly ajar. She stopped, looking in, but remaining in the shadow of the hall. Dena sat on the edge of her bed holding a picture frame. Ilisha’s mouth came open as her mother wiped tears from her eyes. She knew the picture from the frame it sat in. The image was her dad in his army uniform. Dena fondly wiped dust from the glass. “I wish you were here.”

  Ilisha pushed the door open with the tips of her fingers. “Mom,” she said concerned.

  “Oh, honey, you scared me.” Dena quickly wiped her eyes and placed the frame back on the night stand. “I didn’t know you were home.”

  Dena stood and pretended to make the bed. Her hands stuffed the bedspread under the pillows and smoothed out every wrinkle.

  “Are you okay?” Ilisha asked.

  “Yes, of course, just cleaning.”

  “It’s okay to cry,” Ilisha replied softly.

  “What good does that do? Things are the way they are.” Dena waved her hand dismissing the thought.

  “Sit,” Ilisha said, pointing at the bed.

  “I just made it.”

  “I don’t care, sit.”

  Reluctantly Dena sat beside her daughter.

  “If you don’t let your emotions out, you’ll end up breaking down one day. It’s okay to grieve, it’s normal. Be normal for crying out loud.” Ilisha’s hands rose in frustration.

  “I moved on, that’s the only thing I could do. He’s gone, and nothing will bring him back.”

  Ilisha thought for a second about what her father’s butterfly looked like. Did he have peace?

  “No, you hold everything in and never break that poised and perfect exterior. That isn’t healthy. I’m not trying to sound rude, but I look at you like some kind of mindless robot sometimes. This is the first time I’ve seen you cry, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you just let go and laugh.”

  Dena got a tissue from a box on the nightstand. “I guess I just don’t like to feel the pain. It’s not something I deal with well.”

  “But if you don’t deal with it, you’ll never be able to let it go.” Ilisha picked up the frame and stared at her father. “He sure was handsome.”

  “You were always daddy’s girl.”

  “Yeah, I miss him.”

  “You were always my girl too, even if I showed it poorly.”

  Ilisha wrapped her arms around Dena and buried her face in her shoulder, tears pooling in her eyes. “I love you, even if I show it poorly.” She sniffed and sat up. “Can you please try to relax a little? I worry about you. You’re going to have a heart attack.”

  “I wish you lived closer, Ilisha.” Dena dabbed at the tears with the tissue.

  “I’ve been thinking about moving back.”

  “What about your job?”

  “I have a ton of vacation time to burn off and some money saved. I can make it work.”

  Dena nodded her head. “What would you like for dinner?”

  “Your famous lasagna,” Ilisha quickly replied.

  “You got it, kid.” Dena gave a smile as she left the room.

  Ilisha looked at the photo one more time and sat the frame back on the nightstand. “Miss you, Dad.”

  A couple hours later they sat together on the front porch swing eating homemade lasagna.

  “I’m thinking of going over to the hospital and talking to Rich, the E.R. manager,” Ilisha said, popping a bite of lasagna in her mouth.

  “I’m sure he will be happy to have you.”

  After helping her mom clean up the dishes, Ilisha drove to the hospital. As soon as she walked in, it was like a mini high school reunion. Rich bumped her knuckles saying, “About time you came to see me.”

  “Do you have a sec?” Ilisha asked as another one of her high school classmates came to say hi.

  “Step into my office,” he said, escorting her to a tiny office behind the nursing station. “What’s up, chicka,” he asked, rolling a chair over to her.

  “I’m thinking of moving back and wondered how hard it would be to get on here.”

  “Never thought I’d see the day,” he said, smiling.

  “Shut up,” Ilisha said playfully.

  “You’re more than qualified. If you want a job, I can get you on.”

  “Really? That easy?”

  “This isn’t a huge hospital chain. You’ll need to fill out a mountain of paperwork though.”

  “I expected that. Can I do it now?”

  “Absolutely.” He flipped through papers and dividers. “You’re making me show my disorganization.” Finding what he was looking for he handed her a long application and contract. “When do you think you can start?”

  “Well, I have to move first.”

  “If I give you a couple weeks, will that work?”

  ‘Yeah, perfect. I can’t believe it’s this easy to get a job.”

  “We went to college together, and I know the hospital you work at in Columbus is more specialized and busy. You’re more than qualified.”

  Ilisha filled out all the paperwork and handed it back to Rich. “So I’ll see ya in a couple weeks,” he said, pointing at her as he briskly walked to greet an ambulance.

  Smiling, she twirled her keys in her hand, strolling to the parking lot. Her mind felt at ease.

  Bram leaned against the passenger door.

  “Hey,” Ilisha said, hugging him.

  “Wanna go somewhere?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Driving through town, Ilisha followed his instructions and followed the small rut filled roads leading into the forest.

  The thick trees blocked the sun making the road dark. Sporadic bursts of sun flashed across the windshield. The smell of pine wafted through the car, and Bram inhaled deeply.

  “I suppose you already know I applied at the hospital.”

  “Of course.”

  “Do you think I’m making the right decision?”

  “I think you’ll need to be here.” Ilisha moved to question him on that, but Bram pointed to the side of the road saying, “Pull off here.”

  Hiking through thick forest, Ilisha took hold of anything to help her keep balance.

  “Look straight ahead at what will be coming, instead of looking down,” Bram suggested.

  “I’ll trip.”

  “No you won’t, trust me. Look right in my eyes.”

  Bram walked backwards, never missing a beat, while Ilisha tried to concentrate on his eyes. Every time she looked down, he pointed at his eyes with two fingers. The forest opened to a clearing filled with tiny yellow flowers scattered across the ground.

  “Wow.” She looked at the illuminated butterflies resting atop the flowers. “There’re thousands of them.”

  Bram took her hand and led her into the middle. As they approached, the butterflies stopped moving, but resumed again once they passed.

  “Why are they here?”

  “This is a meeting place.” Bram sat on the damp earth, and she followed.

  As she looked closer some had torn or wilted wings. “Why are they deformed?”

  “They’re the fallen angels.”

  “Do you look like this?”

  Bram took off his clothes and transformed into a purple, green, and blue butterfly. He landed on her hand. The soft light from his wings illuminated her palm in waves of color. Pulling her hand closer she looked at him. The tips of his wings were warped like someo
ne had melted them. He wasn’t quite as bright and colorful as his un-fallen counterparts on the ground. She ran her index finger across him. Soft as velvet, his wings shuddered at her touch. His tiny butterfly form was iridescent, but solid at the same time. The light in his wings pulsed through tiny clear veins like blood. The butterfly disappeared and a full size Bram reappeared, naked.

  “You’re beautiful,” Ilisha said.

  “Broken, but still beautiful?”

  “Not broken.” She smiled gently.

  As he picked up his clothes she continued to stare. This time she didn’t turn her back or look away, that was until she heard him chuckle. She felt her cheeks go red. “Sorry.”

  Bram blew it off and continued. “This is the angel way of re-juicing, if you will. We transform into something small. The light is our energy.”

  “Why butterflies?”

  “That’s just always the way it’s been. Demons transform into moths. They don’t have any color or light though.” He stopped to think. “I guess because they have lost the light, so to speak.”

  “Great, so now I need to be scared of moths?”

  Bram chuckled. “No, you’ll know a demon moth. They’re pitch black and look unnatural.”

  Ilisha shivered just thinking about it.

  “I brought you out here to warn you,” Bram said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

  “What now?”

  “Damon visited my dreams. His plans for you aren’t pleasant.”

  “I hate when you do that, just spit it out.”

  “Whatever you’re most scared of, he’ll torture you with.”

  “Why would he tell you this?”

  “He’s just taunting me. There were no specifics given. I do know he plans to drag this out as long as possible. It’s his way of having fun. It will give him great pleasure if he can make you look over your shoulder all the time and be afraid of any sound.”

  “I have no idea what I’m most scared of, so that could be a problem.” She paused. “This is never going to stop, is it?”

  “It will when I kill him.”

  Ilisha’s mind raced. “How do you kill something that isn’t living to begin with?”

  “Just because he isn’t human, doesn’t mean he isn’t alive. Demons are clever, and so far, he’s escaped.”

  “Bram, I’m not ready to die.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t let it happen.” Bram leaned in and kissed her cheek. Ilisha wished his lips had met her mouth.

  Ilisha drove out to the barn and found Bram sound asleep in the middle of the day. She stood motionless on the stairs as her eyes scanned his bare, snoring form. The sun shone on his cloud-white wings, revealing the iridescent sparkles. They reflected on the wall in prisms that moved as he breathed. His perfectly, chiseled body looked peaceful and sturdy. She contemplated creeping back down and leaving him to rest, but the first step she took creaked, and she froze as he shifted. Okay, I can’t let him know I was staring. Oh my gosh, he’s gorgeous. Her leg bounced nervously. Balling her fist up, she knocked on the railing.

  Bram rolled over squinting against the light. Looking around, he spotted her and slid the sheet up, but not before she saw everything. Great, that plan didn’t work. She bit her lip and entered the room like she didn’t see a thing. Holding up her keys for a distraction, she dangled them. “I think it’s time you learn to drive.”

  He sat up making sure to keep himself covered. “You want to teach me to drive?” he asked, his forehead furrowing in confusion.

  “You’re part of the human world now. Better start learning our ways.”

  He chuckled and ran his hands through his thick black hair, causing it stand up in every direction. “I’ll get ready.”

  “I’ll just wait outside,” Ilisha replied with nervous laughter.

  As she walked down the stairs, she turned and glanced over her shoulder in time to see him stand up. She gasp as his wings retracted. They sunk into his skin as if they were never there.

  Bram bounded to her, a smile on his face, ten minutes later. “Sure you want to do this? I may destroy your car.”

  “It’s a rental.”

  “Oh, okay then.”

  She tossed him the keys. He eyed them and swallowed hard. “You’ll do fine.”

  He looked at the steering wheel like a mythical creature he was afraid to touch.

  “Stick the key in here,” she said, pointing to the ignition. “Push in the pedal on your far left, then turn the key.”

  Bram looked at her with a satisfied smile as the engine purred.

  “This is the gearshift. See the letters down the side?” Her finger traced them. “You start out in park. So move it down to the D when you want to go forward and the R when you need to back up.”

  Bram slid it into the D spot, and his head crinkled. “Why aren’t we moving?”

  Ilisha giggled. “Sorry, I forget how foreign this is to you. You need to take your foot off the brake, that’s the pedal you’re pushing down on.”

  His foot came off, and the car rolled forward. Bram’s hands left the wheel, and he looked frightened. “What did I do?”

  “New plan, switch me seats for sec. Put the car back in Park.” She climbed out of the car and ran around to the other side.

  Bram leaned over to watch her feet as she put the car in drive and pushed on the gas, then reversed and parked again.

  “Got that?” she asked as he sat up.

  “Sure, easy.”

  “I’ll take us for a little drive so you can get the hang of it.”

  His eyes took in every movement, like she was a father teaching him how to ride a bike. “Does it make more sense now?” she asked.

  “Got it.”

  “Is picking up on things easy for an angel?”

  “Compared to a human, I guess so. I have the ability to perceive more than you.”

  “Like what?”

  “I can smell things you can’t, see things at further distances, and sense presences.”

  “So what did you pick up from watching me drive that I couldn’t get if it was reversed?”

  “I could tell how much pressure you put on the brake and gas, how fast you took off, and how much you turned the wheel.”

  “I wish I could’ve picked up my college courses that easily.”

  Bram drove them back to the barn as smoothly as if the car was part of him. “Hungry?” he asked, getting out.

  “Sure.”

  As Bram made sandwiches Ilisha said, “Just to let you know, I’m going back to Columbus to pack my stuff in couple days.”

  “I know.” He handed her a sandwich.

  “Of course you do.” She smiled taking a bite.

  He motioned for her to follow him, opening the door to the balcony. They sat on the deck that jutted from the upper floor and looked out on the forest.

  “Why do you always extend your wings when people aren’t around?”

  “They cramp up on me when I have them curled up inside me all day.”

  “Like sitting on your legs too long?”

  He chuckled. “More like having a charlie horse.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, not a great feeling. They occasionally need to be stretched.”

  “You never told me what happened at the park. I waited patiently, but now I’m insisting.”

  “I’m sure you know the answer. Damon tried to attack you that night, and we battled.”

  “What was all the black and white powder?”

  “From our wings. It’s a part of us, kind of like an organism. That’s why I was so anxious for you to get those pants off. He could have killed you.”

  “That’s alarming.”

  Silence filled them and both stared out into the trees. For the first time, Ilisha realized that it would only take a small amount of powder from Damon’s wings to kill her and it made her feel truly uncomfortable. Finally she broke the silence. “You’re driving me home, come on,” Ilisha said, tugging on his
shirt.

  “Thanks for the driving lesson. It was fun.” Bram walked her to the door.

  “It may come in handy. You really can’t live a human life and not drive.”

  Bram didn’t make a move to come inside.

  “Are you coming?” Ilisha motioned with her arm toward the door.

  Bram stared into her eyes. He lingered and she thought he may actually kiss her, instead he cleared his throat. “I’ll be watching you. Don’t worry, you’ll be safe.” He smiled at Ilisha as he walked away.

  Ilisha packed her bags and then drove over to get Bram, who had volunteered to help her move. She had protested by saying she was sure there were better things he could be doing. He had countered by saying, “My life has and always will be dedicated to you.”

  As she drove down the small dirt lane her mind filled with images of Bram, naked. What would it be like to be with Bram? Shaking her head, she dismissed the thought. He stood waiting on the steps with a duffel bag at his feet. “Ready?” he asked, smiling.

  “Yep.”

  From the time they left, Bram was quiet.

  “Okay, what’s with you? I’m not going to drive for four days with the silent treatment.”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “Oh, don’t pull that crap. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know.”

  “I don’t see this trip being easy. We’re going to have problems. I can only see your future, not Damon’s thoughts, so I don’t know what will happen until he plans it.”

  “Great,” she sighed.

  “We’ll just have to be extra careful.”

  “When you said that a death maker is contracted—who would do that?” She knew the topic had come up before, but she never got an answer.

  “Maybe someone needs you to come back to the other side early. There could be any number of reasons.”

  “Yeah, but you’re my guardian angel. Wouldn’t you know who had the contract?”

  He looked away. “I tried to find out, but no luck.”

  She knew he was lying, but wasn’t sure why. Bram had no reason to lie to her. After her mind ran through scenarios she dismissed it as an over active imagination, but decided to innocently question it anyway.